A box full of suggestions for your possible heart

a letter to up above

2009-09-12T00:41:10Z

dear margot:

well, i finally did it! after 2 1/2 years of growing out this monstrosity of a mane, i FINALLY chopped off my hair. granted, i wanted to do this about a month ago, the forces that be didn't want that to happen. and in a way, i'm really pleased it happened this weekend, because your birthday is in a couple days! you are one of most kind, funny, wonderful people i have known and i am proud to have known you at all, and even more proud to call you a friend. that's why it was so easy for me to do this. i have never been so sure about anything in my life. i know you are around, so i know that you know all this, but i wanted to say this anyway. i really miss you.

i hope you're playing a round of trivial pursuit this weekend.

love you crazy lady!

mary

overwhelmed

2009-08-19T00:53:16Z

life is a bit overwhelming at the moment.

although i have found an apartment and know i will be able to move into it pretty soon (i will pin down a specific date tomorrow when i sign the lease), work has been trying on my nerves.

lasalle bank was bought out by bank of america about a year ago and after many smaller changes in the company, they are overhauling the lasalle side to convert to the bank of america system. the physical conversion takes place on the 24th, however for the past 3 weeks or so, 4 coworkers and i have been prepping our system for the changes. of course, we are opening somewhere in the area of 8 new accounts which now need to be opened on the new system and literally everything about account openings (which im completely in charge of) has changed. our rep has no idea how to handle either conversion or the new accounts.

of course, this is on top of all the other work i'm doing. such as getting marshall's coffee. and dialing in his conference calls (although a small victory was yesterday's refusal to dial in a call).

with all this stress i just miss being in my own Home.

this weekend i have plans to go to my friend's wedding shower, and tuesday i'm supposed to volunteer @ the MCA.

i am looking forward to some normalcy.

an explosive phone call

2009-08-15T13:14:30Z

so i got a phone call last week saying there was a small fire at the apartment and my apartment sustained some damage.

propane tank exploded, workers fled, BIG HOLE in ceiling.

lots of headaches since then. moved some things to suburbs. apartment searched. moved to hotel. back to a week from hell at work. moved more things to hotel. lots of trouble with temporary housing payments...it was go go go go go for 6 days straight.

FOUND AN APARTMENT in roscoe village. thank god. other than work, i'm able to relax a little.

will sign lease next week and pay deposit.

in burbs now. frank, kathy, annie are here. meg, atilla, louise, harringtons and zajdelas are coming out. as well as some flossmoor friends.

can't wait to see my godson.

or move.

(on a side note, i'm so tired from the past week and 2 days that i passed out on my moms couch and slept there in my day clothes until this morning)

the little things

2009-07-27T03:55:42Z

its the little things in life that i focus on that either make or break me.

its the little things that remind me of wonderful times. the little things that break me down into tears.

there are times i still really miss margot.

alriiiiiiight

2009-07-09T02:49:28Z

everything is comin up mary.

things are gettin busy. and good.

July 10-12: homewood days, hangin with laura, and wedding stuff
July 15: jaime visits!!
July 16-20: angie visits! and beer garden walk on the 18th @ lincoln park
July 27: cubs game v. astros
August 8: BEASTIE BOYS
August 13-16: Frathy, Annie, Louise, Meghan, AND ATILLA in town. BBQ in burbs.
August 23: Courtney's wedding shower
September 4: MN for Belden Bash
September 24: SDRE!!!!
October 3: Courtney and Miguel's wedding
October 9-12: Maine/NH
October 22: GUK?

omg.so much going on.i love it.

what a random dream

2009-05-22T11:50:52Z

so i have to get back in the habit of writing my dreams down. even though i know reading someone else's dreams arent that great unless you're in them.

anyway, so in my dream i'm in school again and then i move to california on an exchange program where i'm living with my current coworker, jan, and her husband steve. all the sudden i see rachel kerwin walk down the street where she exclaims she is also doing an exchange program but has nowhere to stay. so jan lets her stay at their house until she gets on her feet. after that, we get lost in their neighborhood, which has all of the sudden become both laden with hills and people from my past. then, all of the sudden, rachel screams a profanity and we realize her mom is on her way, and when her mom arrives, she starts yelling about a paper bag which was left in the hallway.

then i think i woke up.

it's been a while

2009-05-22T03:11:49Z

it's been a while...

life has been pretty pleasant. i've been acquainting myself with the merlo library on belmont... or, really i'm acquainting myself with the chicago public library website and the front desk of the merlo library. i've caught up on some really great books, including the entire harry potter series, since easter. i've also taken the time to burn each of the movies so far. i'm really really looking forward to the next one that comes out, even though i entirely understand the superiority of the books. the movies really are still well done.

my birthday came and went. as i've been hanging out with andy and bridget so much lately, bridget took it upon herself to plan my party which i will forever be grateful for. we celebrated a week after (since tony and elisa were in town for a wedding on my birthday and the next day was mother's day) and i went to a cubs game and then went bowling and went to some bars. felt like total shit the next day, but i had a ton of fun so it was worth it.

this weekend is memorial day weekend and i'm taking a half-day to go to a house we rented in michigan city. bridget and andy are picking me up from work, with lauren, jason, steve, and ryan meeting us out there a bit later. i'm seriously looking forward to hangtime in the sun and grilling. i'm in charge of sunday night dinner and i've planned skirt steak/chicken, black bean salad, and guacamole/salsa and chips. PLUS we're goin to redamaks on sunday! woot!

coming up in 2 weeks i am going to NYC for atilla's baptism (annie and i are the godparents) and i'm staying with paige/chris! then 2 weeks later, alicia and maloney are coming to visit chicago!

the good times continue...

sweet

2009-03-23T03:11:12Z

i had a really pretty nice weekend, which included really amazing weather. friday anna and i went to see nick's play "pacific overtures" at the porchlight theater on belmont and racine and it was awesome. nick did a great job and i'm really happy that i got to see him in it.

anyway. saturday i did some errands during the day and caught up on some BSG until the evening and then tim, ryan, steve, and i met up with bridget, andy, collette and their friend jamie at prost. it was an alright bar, but they also served beer in liter sized which was ridiculous. andy got a boot (2 liters) and the rest of us just got one liters. then we headed up to town hall pub on halsted, which i had only been to once before. i have gotta start goin to that place more often, its such a dive. of course, we ended the night at the closet and i could barely walk home. i had given tim my keys earlier in the night bc he got trashed so quickly (and seemingly out of nowhere), so i was worried i was about to have locked myself out, but he actually let me in. so then i woke up this afternoon at like 4 pm, i got a text from steve and andy and they were about to bbq, so i walked my bike over to kozy's and then rode to andy's place. first bike ride of the season for me! yay! i had to leave it there though bc i was unprepared for the cold. anywho. it was fun times, and we played cornhole... i think thats what its called. i did kind of alright. sort of. bridget and i formed a team with andy and ryan, and we called oursels randy midgets. so not clever, but it was hilarious at the time anyway.

ugh. i do not wanna go to work tomorrow....

or... really any day.

its coming back to me

2009-03-10T03:32:24Z

my ...cousin... (i say that because figuring out what degree cousin she is every time i talk about her is a headache) alenka, who is one of my relatives from slovenia, found me on facebook yesterday. i felt like, this warmth in my heart at that moment, and for about the past 24 hours i've been thinking "what ifs".

the most major one is "what if i don't get back?"

i think the answer is that a part of me will die brokenhearted. slovenia is a beautiful country filled with some of the warmest, genuine people i have ever met. maybe i'm a bit biased because they are my family, and maybe i'm just sick of americans. but i know that i need to go back to my roots again some day. i hope i can share the experience with someone else the next time around.

in the meantime, i'll be obsessed with my pictures and diary from abroad.

what a weird dream

2009-02-20T12:46:01Z

so my dream starts off with me, laura, and some other people taking a....cab? home from whatever gathering we were at. we end up in venice-like neighborhood of what is supposedly chicago to drop of some girl. for some reason we end up going into some random person's house, who ends up being some really old lady who has been widowed a few times. we keep telling her (laura and i that is) that we have to go, but she insists on feeding us first. laura is scared out of her wits, but we eventually come to terms with the lady and find out shes really awesome. after *a few hours*, we each call our parents to get us. my mom comes somewhat immediately and laura's extended family comes. all the sudden we're in this chuck-e-cheese type place and i can't find anyone, but i'm actually looking for friends too. i find pete snyder, laura.... and someone else. and ask the guy at the front to make sure they dont wander off, like a herd of cattle. when i walk away i see someone else and send them to the group up front.

then i woke up.

i hate you, ticketmaster

2009-02-16T16:10:00Z

this american life tickets went on sale about 8 minutes ago. they range in price of $18 to $50.

the convenience charge for an $18 ticket is $9.70. Thats about a 54% charge.

screw you, ticketmaster.

is there a club in chicago for men dedicated to creeping me?

2009-02-06T23:36:57Z

i was in the wine aisle looking for a couple of wines i like and im carrying a basket... and this guy with a cart bumps into me. so i excuse myself and move my basket so its not in his way. the guy backed up his cart, made a beeping noise and then moved forward, saying as he passed, "i liked that". i sort of laughed at him and continued looking at the wine. and then he yells "hey, do you have a phone number?"... which i just ignored and walked further away from him. then after a few minutes i notice hes STARING at me from the end of the aisle and then after a moment he starts walking towards me... of course i ran away like a coward. i think he got the hint and didnt look for me. but then i saw him waiting at the entrance/exit and i was following THE OLDEST WOMAN ALIVE and literally could have dragged myself out more quickly with my tongue.

boooooo.

next time something like this happens... and it will... im going to look the man point blank in the eye and ask if he'd treat his mother like that.

3 posts in 2 days.

2009-01-27T01:40:20Z

so i found this old entry about 2005 and decided to see what 2008 brought me.

January
new years eve was a lot better than i was anticipating -- ah yes. NYE was at emily's that year. i drank enough to make me feel confident that i could share a cab with a complete stranger, who was thankfully getting out of the cab before i was.

February
moments ago a coworker and i were talking about this and that (revolving around the fact that we dont have a city business license, oops) and he asked me if i knew what the "interstate" something or other "clause" of the constitution was -- i have to admit i remember how fucking mad i was at my coworker, but im pretty sure it was anger based on the fact that i was hating my job.

March
today has been a headachey day -- 2008 was one big headache.

April
im going to regret staying up this late, tomorrow -- i cant remember where i had gone that night, but i remember i ate a grilled cheese and promised to visit lokesh, which i did!

May
i always have anxiety about my birthday -- yeah, this years birthday was pretty good in comparison with past birthdays. this year i think im going to re-celebrate my twenty first birthday.

June
One night in mid-April, I awoke to my bed shaking. -- i am surprisingly proud to say that i've experienced an earthquake even though im pretty sure it means the end of the world is near.

July
so i occasionally watch "diners drive ins and dives" on the food network bc my cousin works on the show and i feel like i should have something to talk about when i see him twice a year. -- reading this reminds me to be thankful that my cousin quit his job and moved to LA. guy fieri is a douchebag.

August
do i hold on to my anger from 3 years ago or let it go? -- i didn't let my anger do anything regrettable, but the hurt i stil felt helped me make a decision.

September
the election stirs something in me more and more as election day draws nearer and nearer. -- hell yeah! i dont remember the rest of this post, but i am happy that the election ended so well.

October
-- fuck yeah metalocalypse. fuck yeah.

November
i finally feel like im a part of One Nation. -- still do!

December
so we've been in this recession since december '07. -- still feelin the recession. working on paying off all my debt and figuring out a way to be a cut-throat bitch when it comes time to renew my apartment lease.

clinging

2009-01-27T01:19:34Z

i find myself clinging to the most insignificant details sometimes.

but maybe its because they are insignificant that i expect them not to change.

i feel like i dont know what my rock is.

does that even make any sense?

Unfounded accusations, aka I did what?

2009-01-25T17:11:19Z

While making plans last weekend, my friend texted me that when we went out, he had something to discuss with me.

Not being one for confrontations, I bit the bullet and called to ask him what was up. He started laughing (to my relief), and asked "You remember how I know Gina Virgo, right?"

A couple months ago, when Steve found out I went to HF, he spat out a slew of names that I might know, and hers was one. He goes to law school with Gina Virgo, a name from my past, but not someone I know anything about past her name.

Imagine my surprise when he tells me she called me a bitch. When I ask why, he goes "Well... she told us you made a website in high school about a couple of her friends... she said you were mad bc they dressed punk rock? She said you wished publicly that they would get pregnant."

Uhm... yeah. Not only do I not remember doing this, but the ten or twelve people i called/texted didn't either.

turkey brain

2008-11-29T14:31:46Z

im still full from turkey dinner but i still want it all at every meal.

i love thanksgiving food.

mmmmm.

alright!

2008-11-07T13:01:50Z

im yelp elite!

http://unejoliechose.yelp.com

im feelin special sauce...

2008 Outcome.

2008-11-05T04:16:11Z

i finally feel like im a part of One Nation.

One Nation to stand behind and not cower behind.

bobgenghiskahn @ 2008-10-28T19:09:00

2008-10-29T00:13:27Z

trying on my frida costume.

I need to do my makeup more, braid my hair, add more flowers and possibly get a small canvas (with a "self portrait") and paintbrush.

Must drink tequila that night.

DO YOU FOLKS LIKE COFFEE!!!?

2008-10-16T01:27:19Z

this show is easily rivaling almost every other "favorite" tv show i've ever had.

top 5. perhaps even top 3.

bobgenghiskahn @ 2008-09-30T22:15:00

2008-10-01T03:19:46Z

my life barely deserves to be blogged about. the things i do these days, while seemingly fun, are mundane in the grand scheme of things. i go to restaurants sometimes. i drink sometimes. i watch movies and tv shows that i find interesting most times. i promise myself to find a new job. i see people and have conversations that seem important and exciting until a few hours later, and i wonder what the hell i was talking about.

i see people i havent seen in years and things become awkward.

i have more awkward moments than i know what to do with.

restless

2008-09-16T11:47:03Z

every once in a while i have a restless night. the kind of night where i wake up for no reason at 1:00.. and then 2:30... and 3:30....etc thinking each time that my alarm hasnt gone off, and sure that its almost 7 pm.

it makes for a long day at work.

im not sure if its stress related, im sure it must be somehow. i just dont know what stressors i can relieve either.

wow

2008-09-06T21:57:20Z

i never thought pate would be delicious. but @ hot dougs... it is.

i had "White Wine and Dijon Rabbit Sausage with Truffle Mustard, Armagnac-Truffle Pâté and Truffle Balsamic Cream Drizzle"

makes me wanna nap. and dream about it all over again.

lames

2008-09-04T03:06:32Z

the election stirs something in me more and more as election day draws nearer and nearer.

except that im sick of all political party supporters at this point. it seems everytime i turn around, someone is attacking something about a candidate that is completely unrelated to their ability as a leader. so barack said people who go to cubs games arent there for baseball. first of all, thats very true for a lot of attendees. secondly, he's a southsider, so who gives a shit what he thinks about the cubs? if we were talking about someone running a baseball-related office, maybe that sentiment would be a bit disconcerting, but mostly i dont understand what the fuck is wrong with the cubs fans who are offended by that. if youre a real cubs fan, you shouldnt give a shit what a sox fan says.

but it also bothers me that my coworkers, fellow obama-supporters, are attacking personal things about palin. i mean, if youre gonna attack a woman, attack her political issues and views. so her daughter got pregant at 17, who gives a shit? you know what? the girl is getting married now and i wonder how strongly the fact that her mother is the VP candidate influenced THAT decision, perhaps she was strongarmed into that? and even though i have no clue how the daughter feels, for certain, shes not her mother. her mother doesnt respect her daughter's vajayjay, and thats only barely on the brink of what people are talking about.

so, ive got my republican coworkers bitching about obama, and then my lib coworkers saying thats bullshit, but turning right around and bad-mouthing palin. welcome back to jr. high!

politics, man. yikes.

unexpected places

2008-08-31T06:56:48Z

i truly love the gay population which seems to always have some sort of place in my life. tonight i went to a gay sports bar and sang karaoke (shoop and ive had the time of my life). the second song was a duet sung with the boyfriend of a friend of a friend. we became the sort of friends in 2 hours that have known each other for years. and i am positive the next time i will see him will be at least in another 6 months. such is the life of a straight woman in a gay neighborhood.

in any case, i had a good time tonight, even though it was supposed to happen in an entire different manner. i feel bad for not having seen emily and her cousin, but i cannot regret what happened. even though justin and i arent close, im happy to have celebrated it with him. he's good people.